Cincinnati Bengals

Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 10.27.15

* The Cincinnati Bengals reached a $255K settlement with their cheerleaders in a wage-and-hour suit. Each Ben-Gal stands to receive at least $2,500. Hmm, maybe they needed better lawyers who could BE AGGRESSIVE! B-E AGGRESSIVE! B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! [CBS News] * Biglaw leaders think that first-year associates are likely to be replaced by robots within 10 years. Some even think that second- and third-year associates could be replaced by artificial intelligence. Damn, no wonder NY to $190 is still a pipedream. [Ars Technica via Am Law Daily] * "What you're asking them to do is do work for you." Despite the fact that the cellphone was seized in an investigation, this federal magistrate judge says that he isn't quite sure if he has the legal authority to compel Apple to access data on a locked iPhone. [Reuters] * Justice waits for no one, except this defendant who allegedly murdered her 19-month-old daughter in 2010. After her trial was rescheduled for the 18th time, a judge finally decided he'd had enough: “Anything following this will be a trial or dismissal.” [WSJ Law Blog] * If you're trying to get into to law school, there's no need to wait for your fall semester grades before you send off your applications. A pulse and the ability to sign federal loan documents are all that you'll need. [Law School Lowdown / U.S. News & World Report]

By Staci Zaretsky
6th Circuit

Non-Sequiturs: 08.01.14

* Law student wants some goddamned pizza. [Huffington Post] * Elie called for ExamSoft to refund the victims in the so-called #Barghazi incident. Now there’s a petition for that. [Change.org] * Litigiousness: now in infographic form! [Thomas Barry Solicitors] * In New York, an appellate court upheld a decision requiring a bank to forfeit interest and attorney fees for dragging out a foreclosure settlement conference through 18 court dates spanning 16 months. If you outlaw needlessly dragging out litigation to bully the other side, only outlaws will drag out litigation to bully the other side. [WiseLawNY] * The importance of the Sarah Jones appeal. [The Legal Blitz] * If you’re looking for a job, the SEC is announcing a new initiative to hire a bunch of lawyers. Including lawyers from the class of 2015! [USAJobs]

By Joe Patrice
Affirmative Action

Morning Docket: 10.09.12

* “I don’t think that we even need to have a race box on the application.” Abigail Fisher is getting even more time in the spotlight thanks to this media interview, which is sure to be the first of many. [New York Times] * “[T]hey didn’t do anything wrong civilly — and they certainly didn’t do anything wrong criminally.” Tell that to the prosecutors who are looking into the circumstances of Dewey & LeBoeuf’s epic fail. [Wall Street Journal] * Lateral hiring in midsize/regional firms seems to be up for those with “real-world experience,” but the starting salaries aren’t anything to write home about — they’re still on the “low” side. [Connecticut Law Tribune] * Jerry Sandusky’s sentencing hearing is today, and in addition to the tape he already released, he’s planning to read a statement before he receives what’s likely to be a life sentence. WE ARE… kind of tired of hearing about his supposed innocence. [CNN] * “There are fewer interviews and fewer schools interviewing.” This week, would-be law profs who attend the AALS “meat market” will get a taste of what recent graduates have been experiencing. [National Law Journal] * Sarah Jones, aka “The Dirty Bengals Cheerleader,” reached a plea agreement in her sexual misconduct case. She won’t get jail time, but she wants to go to law school. Same difference, amirite? [Washington Post] * Alicia Guastaferro, the pageant princess-cum-alleged prostitute, will plead not guilty later this week. If Wife Swap had a “Where Are They Now” edition, this girl would assure good ratings. [Democrat and Chronicle]

By Staci Zaretsky
Defamation

Lawsuit of the Weekend: Rah Rah… Whoops.

This story may provide some good fodder for “dumb cheerleader” jokes. Sarah Jones, a high school English teacher and cheerleader for the Cincinnati Bengals, was understandably upset when a gossip website called TheDirty.com published an article entitled “The Dirty Bengals Cheerleader,” asking, “Why are high school teachers freaks in the sack?” According to Jones’s December […]

By Kashmir Hill